So we kind of dropped a bomb here then left you all hanging. That was unintentional. We have had a lot of peace since finding out, which is entirely the holy spirit. I’ve also noticed a very direct correlation with my time with Jesus and my attitude or outlook. When I spend time with him, I’m good and at peace. When I don’t, my patience runs out really quick and I’m more likely to focus on the negative and be upset. Reminds me of the vision we got at Crossroads about keeping our eyes on the harbor and not on the storm.
So it turns out that when you have cancer and it’s not surgically removed, it hurts and is very uncomfortable. This is a first for me, because in the past they’ve always been able to take it out. I’ve been seeing pain team to keep the pain and discomfort under control, which has been great, but also it has made me exhausted. I could sleep 24 hours a day and still be tired when I woke up. Scott keeps finding me sleeping sitting up. They’ve also given me Ritalin to help me stay awake, so when there is a day I really want to be up and alert for, that has been helpful.
Along with the pain, another struggle has been shortness of breath. It is worst in the morning before my pain meds soak in. I move slowly. I told Scott I wasn’t going to judge slow walkers anymore. Right before we left for vacation they drained 650mL of fluid off my right lung, and that has helped tremendously. It helped with the shortness of breath, and also took away the pain I had when I hiccuped, which was bad enough that I had to yell out in pain.
The past 2 times we’ve had labs drawn, the tumor marker has leveled off an stayed the same, which is good. It was going up by 10 every time we had it drawn (weekly). We get more labs drawn tomorrow along with a CT to check on how much change there has been since the initial scans. We are obviously hoping for complete healing, but at least would like for it to be less or staying the same.
In other news, we are going to visit MD Anderson in Houston to see what options and trials they have available. We will call tomorrow to make an appointment. They have been working closely with our doctors on my case, so we feel good about that, and we can rent a car and go visit Magnolia Market in Waco. So I’m pretty excited about that.
Our friends have started another page to help us out financially with another deductible around the corner, and travel expenses for our consult in Texas. and we are so blown away by everyones generosity. If you gave, know that Scott and I could not thank you more. From the bottom of our hearts it means the world to us. It is one less stressor to worry about. Speaking of that, you all have taken such good care of us as far as meals go. We have not had to worry about dinner for weeks now, and really haven’t had to go to the grocery store. Which is especially great for Scott, because everything is sort of falling on him around here these days. He is the best. He serves me non stop and without complaining. I am so blessed to be married to him.
One thing that repeatedly keeps showing up as a theme around here is that God has big plans up his sleeve. So many people, including those we know, and those who are just hearing our story for the first time, are telling us that God has pressed it on their hearts that God has healing in store here, and that this isn’t the end. We feel the same way. We are trusting Him for big things over here, and whichever way he chooses to answer our prayers for healing, He is still good. In Daniel when the 3 Israelites were about to be thrown into the furnace they said, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Dan 3:17-18). So we are over here, fully confident that God can and will heal. But in the same breath, if He chooses not to, we know He is good and that He loves us, so we can trust his plans, even if we hate that plan. I just finished reading Tim Keller’s book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, and I have to recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with the idea of suffering, or anyone that is walking through suffering themselves. One of the things he said, and I believe to the core of me is, “Instead he gives us what we would have asked for if we had known everything he knows.” I know it seems like stretch to say I’d ask for this, but it’s also a stretch to say that I understand the unfolding of history better than He does. My favorite example was when he talked about Jesus hanging on the cross, what the people around watching must be thinking.
“But then, there you are at the cross with the few of his disciples who have the stomach to watch. And you hear people say, “I’ve had it with this God. How could he abandon the best man we have ever seen? I don’t see how God could bring any good out of this.” What would you say? You would likely agree. And yet you are standing there looking at the greatest, most brilliant thing God could ever do for the human race.”
So that’s about it for now over here. Please be praying for scans tomorrow, and pray for this coming weekend, we have a friend who is a part of a healing prayer ministry coming to pray over Scott and I. We know without a doubt that Jesus can heal, we are praying that he will. Oh man, I can’t not include this.. Scott and I went to the beach this past week (blog with photos in the near future), and while we were gone two different friends showed up to surprisingly clean our house. The first was such a surprise, Scott didn’t even know it was happening, so when my friend Shannon came getting his approval, she showed up to a pretty clean houseBut how sweet? She also stocked our freezer with meals (Thanks Shannon and Bob and Jeana and Owen!). Then we got back home, and my old bible study from Lexington came to hang out and love on me on Sunday. It was glorious. We just relaxed, talked, they made me delicious smoothies, they prayed for me, we all cried, and they drove all the way back to Lexington. I’ll leave a photo below from thatThanks for sticking with this especially long update if you’ve made it this far!